Fuck this disease. Fuck it hard. I need a space to hold my anger rather than my gut. So here I am. And maybe my rants and (hopefully) discoveries will end up helping someone else on the way. I'm so goddamn tired and I don't know what to do with myself at the moment. Sometimes when I get into this mode I can't even rant. My brain is so tired of thinking about all the bullshit that this disease puts me through that I just want to put it to rest. So I sleep. And I get even more exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I love sleeping and it's where a lot of healing happens, but the more I sleep the more tired I get and the more I depressed I feel. If I could sleep for two days straight, I feel like I'd be so much lighter. My energy is so depleted. Yeah, I could eat all the vegetables, and choke down all the super food powders, and drink all the kombucha, etc., etc., but FUCK I don't have the motivation for that bullshit. It's okay to feel tired. It's okay to be pissed off about being tired. It's okay to have a mental breakdown and not want to do shit for yourself. It's also super okay to be pissed off at people that don't have any fucking thing wrong with them whatsoever and could not even fathom your pain and get to eat whatever the fuck they want whenever the fuck they want and not have to worry about knowing where the nearest bathroom is in case this thing that's supposed to nourish you decides to fuck your shit up. It's also really okay to say fuck a lot. Scream it. It helps, I promise.